7 good years ago, still damn good!

7 good years ago, still damn good!

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You meet people and you will like them and sometimes that likeness grows into something more because humanity is too precious and too fragile and we just give into anything almost without respite. I think of love all the time because I want to understand why is it so hard for you to admit that you feel this person’s presence in the emptiest of rooms and you sometimes can’t breathe and you get weak because this person seems to suck all the air and energy out of you and still you can never hate this person so you hate yourself instead. Still I never said anything because I think it’s okay to feel broken because everything in the world is not in its place because what’s the point of life and all its expedition if the universe got it all figured out? I don’t think dying is purely coincidental. Just because we have yet to find out the real reasons in what we do doesn’t mean we have no right to do them anymore. I remember not telling you, not even to myself, that there is no right meaning for things, it’s how you define them in your life but instead I would just nod every time you expect for me to say something. Till the silence would consume all I could ever say, as if I was thinking about how right you (always) are and how you and I believe in you, because in truth that’s all you have and I could never take that away from you.

You meet people and you will like them and sometimes that likeness grows into something more because humanity is too precious and too fragile and we just give into anything almost without respite. I think of love all the time because I want to understand why is it so hard for you to admit that you feel this person’s presence in the emptiest of rooms and you sometimes can’t breathe and you get weak because this person seems to suck all the air and energy out of you and still you can never hate this person so you hate yourself instead. Still I never said anything because I think it’s okay to feel broken because everything in the world is not in its place because what’s the point of life and all its expedition if the universe got it all figured out? I don’t think dying is purely coincidental. Just because we have yet to find out the real reasons in what we do doesn’t mean we have no right to do them anymore.

I remember not telling you, not even to myself, that there is no right meaning for things, it’s how you define them in your life but instead I would just nod every time you expect for me to say something. Till the silence would consume all I could ever say, as if I was thinking about how right you (always) are and how you and I believe in you, because in truth that’s all you have and I could never take that away from you.

—
Unless you have anything else to say.

Unless you have anything else to say.

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It seems like I have used up all the sleep this year have owed me. That’s all I do now, sleep, because that’s the only thing that separates me from you. It seems like life have reduced me to not even a person but more of a machine that is programmed to only think about you. Even in mere respiration, it’s as if you have become the air that I breathe.  It’s as if you have replaced every bone inside of me and my memory holds nothing other than those of yours.

It seems like I have used up all the sleep this year have owed me. That’s all I do now, sleep, because that’s the only thing that separates me from you. It seems like life have reduced me to not even a person but more of a machine that is programmed to only think about you. Even in mere respiration, it’s as if you have become the air that I breathe.  It’s as if you have replaced every bone inside of me and my memory holds nothing other than those of yours.

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“Why can’t we love the right people? What is so wrong with us that we rush into situations to which we are manifestly unsuited, which will hurt us and others? Why are we given emotions which we cannot control and which move in exact contradiction to what we really want? We are walking conflicts, internal battles on legs and if human beings were cars, we would return them for being faulty. Why do we have such a finite capacity for pleasure but an infinite one for pain?”     — The Other Side Of The Story by Marian Keyes

“Why can’t we love the right people? What is so wrong with us that we rush into situations to which we are manifestly unsuited, which will hurt us and others? Why are we given emotions which we cannot control and which move in exact contradiction to what we really want? We are walking conflicts, internal battles on legs and if human beings were cars, we would return them for being faulty. Why do we have such a finite capacity for pleasure but an infinite one for pain?”

    — The Other Side Of The Story by Marian Keyes

—

Graduating from college has been more like a torture than an accomplishment but nevertheless, a gift. I was finally able to do things such as:

     • sleep
     • read a book
     • breathe

Sleep, sleep. Like the rest of the world will, too.

Brendan Cowell’s wanting to fall in love out of Levithan’s words was impossible to miss. To my defense, The Lover’s Dictionary didn’t exactly make me want to fall in love. I just kept thinking if it ever was real, and then hoped it did. I thought about those people whom I have shared The Lover’s Dictionary with and how they never have to last. I have mistaken romance over intimacy that I have become so cynical about love and what it truly is.
I hope The Lover’s Dictionary is happening now as I am writing this. I hope love isn’t something that any of us will miss out on. And as for you, I know that you know it in your heart. You always do. And as for me, I believe it’s like that air that we breathe, so simple yet so magical.

Breathe…well.

—

I guess when reality comes right at your face and your life is about to change, you can’t really ever say, “Yes, finally! Hop in, I have been waiting forever”. Instead, you ask for a little more extension. Like when your doctor tells you that you have got a couple months to live, a year would be so much better. You’d probably even kill 7 goats if that what it takes. But you realize that there is so much of beauty in every little thing when your time is so defined. Maybe it’s the idea that you don’t really want to leave the world with a bad reputation. In case you become a wildcard and asked to comeback from the dead, I mean you don’t really come out from anywhere with a clean slate. 

I guess when it all comes down to a change of state, we just could never get enough. It’s like that last bite of a cake that everybody abandons on the table. Maybe it just wasn’t right for anyone to even know what conclusion tastes like. (if it ever has a taste)

Has it been really 4 years of an astoundingly wonderful ride?

(just a thought before graduation concludes later, it has been truly wonderful! take care everyone!)

—
From a little place that is almost always hidden, also known as my heart.

From a little place that is almost always hidden, also known as my heart.

—
Just to officially end a 3-month torment.Hold on to your dreams and never let them slip away. 

Just to officially end a 3-month torment.
Hold on to your dreams and never let them slip away. 

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Trapped in the soul of your own making.

Trapped in the soul of your own making.

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